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Whats it like being a gay father

© Can Stock Photo | creatista

By Marshall Forstein, M.D.

Posted in: Parenting Concerns, You & Your Family

Topics: LGBTQ+, Relationships

I was a precocious minor, looking back. I read voraciously, and was curious about everything: such as what made people do what they do, and how mechanical things were put together and actually worked. And I loved my friends who came from very distinct backgrounds. I was a lucky kid in so many ways, but I knew I was different from an early age.

Tommy and I were excellent friends. We could talk and stroll, play stoopball against our houses steps, or just be quiet reading books together. He was the type of kid who could run and somehow his shirt stayed tucked in his pants, and his hair never moved out of place. In June, at age nine, my family was moving out of Queens in NYC to a more suburban neighborhood, and Tommy and I spent what was to be our last time together. We lived a limited blocks apart, and I walked with him from the playground to his house, both of us acutely alert that we were saying goodbye.

Although we said we would stay friends forever, I now think we each knew in our heart th

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    We were on the back porch, smoke rolling up from the nearby barbeque grill, the emit of chicken roasting in the wind. My father was more silent than usual. He took a hard swig from his beer bottle. I asked, “You okay?”

    Out of nowhere, my father says, “If you choose to be gay, then you’re no longer part of this family. You want to live that lifestyle? Then do it somewhere else.”

    His gaze drifted toward the woods. He didn’t want to view at me. The thought of me, of what I was, sickened him. Shame overwhelmed me. Sweat soaked through my shirt as I held support the bile in my throat. I asked how he knew. My stepsister had outed me.

    Stuttering, I tried to explain it wasn’t a selection. But at 18 years old (and caught completely off-guard), I had no defense. Not that it would own mattered. My father, as with so many parents, believed this was a clear-cut “black and white” situation. I either was or I wasn’t. And I was.

    Within 48 hours my bags were packed. I looked advocate from the driveway, some part of me hoping my father would observe my terror and change his brain. He didn’t. His arms were crossed across his chest like a shield, unbudging, even as my stepmother pulled at him, tea

    LGBTQ Parenting in the US

    Family Formation and Stressors

    • Overall, 47% of partnered LGBTQ parents are in a same-gender or transgender-inclusive partnership; however, the majority of cisgender lesbian/gay parents are vs. 10% of cisgender bisexual/queer parents.
    • 78% of LGBTQ parents became parents through current or previous sexual relationships, 20% through stepparenthood, and 6% through adoption.
    • Among parenting households, same-sex couples adopt (21%), foster (4%), and have stepchildren (17%) at significantly higher rates than different-sex couples (3%, 0.4%, 6%).
      • Notably among parents, 24% of married homosexual couples have adopted a child versus 3% of married different-sex couples.
    • Approximately 35,000 same-sex couple parents own adopted children, and 6,000 are fostering children. The majority of these couples are married.
    • Among all LGBTQ parents, approximately 57,000 are fostering children (1.4%). Less than half of these parents are married.
    • Approximately 30% of LGBQ parents are not legally recognized or are unsure about their legal status as the parent/guardian of at least one child.
    • 23% of LGBQ adults said it was very important to them to have children in the fu